Why the fuck don’t we have bionic knees already?!

Last year some cunt pulled out in front of me and it resulted in my flying over the handlebars of my motorbike and crashing rather neatly into the road. That really fucking sucked, although it could have been much worse. Mostly I just banged the absolute living bejeesus out of my left knee, and so after getting an x-ray (that included the hilarious situation of the radiographer telling me I needed to have my right knee done and me dropping trou to show the left knee while saying “I don’t care what the doctor fucking wrote on the referral, this is the one you’re going to give me cancer in!”) I was relieved to learn that I did not have a shattered knee.

I iced the fuck out of that thing, rested up, took some anti-inflammatories and waited to ride my bike (my real bike that is. You know, the kind that you pedal) again. First day back some stupid girl drives straight into me from a side-street, saying she hadn’t seen me. Again, it was a low speed impact but she did hit me right in the left knee and thigh (in addition to running over my rear wheel and buckling it somewhat seriously).

It took two days to get the replacement wheel built up and on the bike (credit should go to the girl that ran into me, she did pay up promptly). I was riding home when a taxi pulled out in front of me and I had nowhere to go but into him and over the bonnet.

So basically I took an absolute shit-kicking last year and my poor knee has borne the brunt of it. Sadly this has come back to haunt me this year as every time I’ve tried to go for even a modest ride (like my regular commute to work), I’ve had it flare up and become stiff and sore all over again. Fearing I may never ride my beloved bike again, I have sought the professional assistance of a witchdoctor physiotherapist who assures me that I will be able to undertake a process of remedial exercises and treatments to correct the problem. I may even have to wind up injecting steroids like I’m a professional football player, who the fuck knows?!

So the good news is that I’ll be able to ride my beloved bike again some time in the hopefully not too distant future. The bad news is that I won’t be able to ride my bike for probably another month, maybe longer.

The really bad news is that despite popular belief, knees don’t grow back and so I’m doomed to a future in which this fucker gets progressively worse. I’m old enough that I remember watching the Six Million Dollar Man when I was a kid. If we could give that fucker bionic limbs for six mill back in the day then why the fuck can’t I just order some fucking bionic knees on ebay or some shit and solve all these problems at once?

Technology is such a fucking disappointment.

6 Responses to “Why the fuck don’t we have bionic knees already?!”

  1. These accidents seem so unusual for the roads of Sydney as I am convinced that Sydney drivers are the best in the world. How else would they be able to drive while talking on the phone, or better still, sending SMS’s?

    If you think knee problems are a pain, try tearing your Achilles. I’m nursing one of those at the moment and haven’t cycled to work for a month as a result.

    I’m considering replacing the Bonneville I sold when I left London but I want to get the statistics on life expectancy of a Sydney motorcyclist first. My suspicion is that couriers in Mumbai have a safer ride….

    • entendered Says:

      Well to be fair I’d been riding in Sydney for about 4 years before the first accident. That said, those stats probably speak more to my caution/cowardice than to Sydney drivers’ skill.

      I do not envy your Achilles problems. I do envy your (past) ownership of a Bonneville, but feel obliged to point out that they’re another overpriced product in this market. I am, however, of the firm belief that everything’s better on two wheels and so I heartily endorse all motorbike and bicycle related aspirations.

  2. I hear ya. I thought we’d have cars that could fly by now. I’ve got an iPod that decides when it wants to fucking work. Thanks, technology.

    • entendered Says:

      Totally. This future sucks. I want the cool one.

      • By coincidence, this was my emailed word of the day;

        The Word of the Day for January 21 is:

        weltschmerz   \VELT-shmairts\   noun, often capitalized
        1 : mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state
        2 : a mood of sentimental sadness

      • entendered Says:

        Well isn’t that just fucking great? Now I also get to be depressed about how other languages have cool words for my mental problems.

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