Dear kid talking about zombies on the bus

Posted in commuting, free speech, life, movies with tags , , on 16/09/2014 by entendered

We get it, you know a lot about zombies and you’re trying to impress a girl, so of course you play to your strengths. And clearly you’ve got opinions and possibly even feels about zombies. That’s all fine, but do you honestly have to conduct your lecture/seduction at full fucking volume? I mean, I’m trying to cut you some slack here, I’m (at least in a general sense) on your side. I’m wishing you well in your efforts.

Or I would be if you at least had the basic fucking decency to reference Romero, but if you’re just going to fucking sit there and compare 28 Days Later zombies with The Walking Dead zombies and think you’re the expert on the bus… oh, you’re fucking trying my patience now boy-o.

Old… and other things that end in …er

Posted in writing with tags , , on 18/08/2014 by entendered

Sometimes words spring forth and fall together in a heap. A pile of phrases that connect in ways that may be obvious or may be non-existent.

I’m older than you and sadder than you, and yeah, I’ve probably got it badder than you.

I had your heartbreak years ago and while you’ve bounced back, I don’t think there’s a bounce left in me. I can’t tell if that just means I haven’t bottomed out yet, or if it means that I’m still falling. Not that it matters either way. I visualise myself falling down an infinite castle tower, the only light glimpsed in flashes from slit windows flying past too quickly to focus on anything outside. If they weren’t there I’d be able to convince myself I was weightless. That’s all I do when I close my eyes, try to believe that maybe I’m floating in nothing and it’s deeply comforting, to only be me, in a void. An external representation of the inner self.

But I am not a void.

I am filled with thoughts and doubts and fears, oh gods, the fears. So many, so intricate, so completely intertwined. I am a web of fear. Fear of failing, fear of succeeding and it being hollow. Fear of not trying, fear of wasting chances, fear of loss, fear of clumsiness, fear of embarrassment, fear of triumph revealing fraud. I am so fucking cliched it’s not funny. Which is, of course, another fear.

And now I just want to sleep, and forget everything. But that’s a lie too. That’s not what I want now.

That’s what I want always.

It’s gotta be good for me right?

Posted in life, love with tags on 04/08/2014 by entendered

Sitting up reliving all my past mistakes with exes over and over and over again. This is definitely healthy behaviour. Totally not wallowing.

Why you should punch anyone who calls themselves a “job creator” in the throat

Posted in business, government, politics with tags , , , on 01/06/2014 by entendered

It’s a favourite euphemism of conservative politics to refer to business owners and corporations as “job creators”. Like many such things, it’s a clever, insidious and particularly nasty piece of manipulation designed to make employees feel indebted to those who purchase their time, creativity and labour.

The next time you hear someone refer to themselves as a job creator, feel free to punch that condescending, lying sack of shit right in the throat and stand over their gasping prostrated body while reminding them that you’re not fucking stupid enough to fall for that shit.

Companies do not exist to create jobs. They have never existed to create jobs. Jobs are defined within corporate accounting as an expense. Companies consider expenses to be inherently bad and every effort should be made to eliminate them entirely. If elimination is not possible, then minimisation is the next desirable step.

Companies do exist to generate profits. They only exist to create profits. It’s essentially negligent for a company to fail to deliver value to shareholders. Profits are achieved by selling more of whatever the fuck it is they sell (all companies are sales companies). Profits are maximised by matching sales growth with utterly minimised costs.

Therefore it is in a company’s interest to seek to gain as much work as possible for the smallest cost possible in order to generate the largest profit possible.

This means that any company that is even slightly well-run will seek to avoid adding employees to the payroll for as long as possible. Companies are not at all waiting for the dreamy day when “government red-tape” will make it easier to hire new staff. They don’t want new staff. They want their current staff to feel afraid and guilty and indebted to the company for deigning to give them a job in the first place.

Every job ever created by a company is created grudgingly and only after the company has endured so much hardship that it’s convinced it has to create a new job.

“Job creator” is just an attempt by conservatives to put a pretty ribbon on the ugly fact that companies don’t give a fuck about their employees, but they sure as shit want their employees to give a fuck about them and their tax benefits.

Deep runs and sharp rocks

Posted in life, writing with tags , on 28/04/2014 by entendered

Am I being pushed under or sucked down by the current? I can’t tell if it’s the weight of these thoughts that won’t ever, ever end or if it’s the pull of the lingering dissatisfaction. Am I being torn by the abrasions of the stones at the bottom? Maybe it’s the endless flagellation of a broken mind tearing me apart from within.

This isn’t who I wanted to be. This isn’t the life I’d planned or seen in my oh-so-clear visions of the future. I’m not who I intended to be.

Each step and struggling, flailing swipe at self-improvement costs so much effort and leaves so many fresh wounds. What am I doing wrong? Is it wrong? Is it me? Lawrence claims to have never seen a wild thing sorry for itself and I don’t know if that’s wisdom and insight or the mindless platitudes of a grandiose fuck who never spent much time in the wild.

I’ve seen plenty of wild things sorry for themselves, whimpering in pain, staring in fright and lashing out at the hand that would help them. Nature is more complex than the fraudulent insights of poets trying to sound profound and/or get laid. Fuck knows that poets need to use all the tricks at their disposal to get laid, and I’m the last one to begrudge them that deceitful conceit.

So what am I? Too many thoughts lacking cohesive direction and too much time spent pondering things that don’t matter when moving is what matters most.

Don’t freeze, don’t stand still, don’t stop. Never stop moving. Fuck the thoughts of what you’re moving towards, fuck the thoughts of what you’re moving from. Forget about lines and time being flat circles and keep fucking moving because the wild thing inside you is yearning to be set free. Let slip the leash, give up the bit and fucking run. Choose a direction and move until another direction takes your interest.

Shrug free the cuts and bruises, embrace the scars and hairline fractures. This is a life in motion, in the process of being lived with the full-throated aggression of a predator whose only goal is one more breath, one more step, one more lunge, one more leap, one more, one more, one more. Suck deep the air and howl your defiance in the mirror.

But always, above all else, move.

Wishing leads to hope

Posted in life, love, music with tags , , , on 14/04/2014 by entendered

I wish you would…

Monday is covers day

Posted in music with tags , , , , on 31/03/2014 by entendered

My new favourite cover, here’s Chvrches with their cover of ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ originally by Arctic Monkeys:

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